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Archive for May, 2009

Damn It!

May 28, 2009 Leave a comment
What is wrong, really? No matter what I do, I feel the pain. I just don’t understand. It’s way too early to face quarter life crisis!

I love you. A little worried for you, just a little. I hate this feeling. I held on to your promise that you’ll be around. But you are leaving me scarred. Nope I’m not ill. I don’t need to take a pill to fix what you did. Cure can’t come through. I guess I’m just suffering from symptoms of you. And nobody told me that I should be in happy faces, trying to erase the traces.

It’s a never-ending thing. One more minute turns into another, before I had time to run from all the other ones. It’s all an illusion cos I’m still the same person no matter how fast I run.

I am down on my knees. I can’t take it anymore.

Oh! I forgot… Big girls don’t cry.

What Am I Doing with My Life?

May 27, 2009 Leave a comment
What am I doing with my life? Today, the thought of withdrawing from college is sooo tempting! I’ve lost my mind…again. Ya ya again. Is there any way I can study without all the pressure? Without bias teachers with mood swings?

No motivation.
No drive.
No confidence.
Nowhere…
Just nowhere.

It’s frustrating! I’m doing okay all these while but why now?! The temptation to withdraw is utterly overwhelming! It’s the last lap. Right, but how can I console and comfort myself to say that it’s gonna be okay and I will do just fine? What am I doing in school? What are all these for?

I don’t wanna do all these shit anymore! I hate school, hate school, hate school! I wanna QUIT! But I can’t disappoint my family, friends and teachers who believe in me. I can’t…just can’t.

And I miss you. I dunno why. I have mixed feelings for so many things and I feel so rojak at the moment. I want and I need Soma sooo badly! How I wish Huxley could give me some to help me get an easy escape from this dystopian world!

I can’t hold on.

It was so close yet so far…
Can I? Will you take my hand if I reach out to you?
This feeling is not going away.

I’m confuse.

This Can’t Be Happening!

May 26, 2009 Leave a comment
I’m beginning to love the class.
It’s a weird feeling.
But I hope it will last!
Woohoo! \m/

Listen…

May 25, 2009 Leave a comment
Silence speaks today
My heartbeat’s going awry
There’s something my heart is saying
Listen…

Memories of moments spent together
Stand frozen in time
I’m reminded of the things
You said to me
On my moist eyes, even tears have frozen
But I still can’t take my eyes off you
How helpless I feel,
What am I to do?
My heartbeat’s going awry
There’s something my heart is saying
Listen…

With love, I’ll take away all your sorrows
I’ll bring to you every happiness in the world
My pining, I’ll suppress in my heart
Every desire of mine, I’ll sacrifice for you
On tearful lips, is a prayer
My heartbeat’s going awry
There’s something my heart is saying
Listen…

Damn You!

May 25, 2009 Leave a comment
It’s really funny how some people can tell lies everyday! I mean seriously, EVERY SINGLE DAY! And it’s frustrating to know about it but you just can’t do anything about it. Where’s your integrity for God’s sake? Lost it on the way? Or you left it at home every time you leave for school?

Yes! I’m ranting again! I think this blog will not have all those happy happy posts anymore cos I just don’t have the time to upload pics and all that stuffs. I no longer have the time to type out all the happenings in my life like an old grandmother story. School’s crazy! Everything will be on Facebook \m/

Okay I shall stop digressing.

Back… It is seriously disgusting! I can’t stand people who tell lies over and over. I’m not that morally upright either but please lah… if you wanna tell lies, there’s always a certain limit ya know. Not every day! I don’t remember recalling a day where you never tell lies. Nope, not even once!

Just what is wrong seriously? Just the thought of you makes me soooo furious! My respect level for you is seriously dipping and I just can’t bring myself to trust you anymore. You make a good friend, I’ll never forget the times where you lend me a hand when I need one. But look, it’s high time you do some soul-searching and start telling the truth!

If you lie to cover your ass once in a while, I’m totally fine with it. But you tell lies like as if there’s no tomorrow! What’s the point?! I know you can bullshit very well but please stop it cos I’ve had enough. I’ve been keeping it in, now I’m letting it out! Others are talking about it too and I simply don’t know how to defend you cos it’s the truth that they’re saying.

Anyhow, I just don’t trust you anymore. Period. You don’t owe me a fucking explanation cos I don’t wanna know about it. I refuse to hear anything anymore.

Cos after all, it’s your life not mine.

I loathe..

May 22, 2009 Leave a comment
I loathe
The way you roll your eyes at me.

I loathe
The way you boast about your results!

I loathe
The way you compete with others in class.

I loathe
The look on your face when I do better than you!

I loathe
The look on your face when tutors praise you.

I fucking loathe
The way you THINK you are the best in the class!

Cos you are not and you jolly well know it! Bloody hell! Everybody is better than you! You are just living in denial. You mug and slog like a cow and score around the same results as us who either never study at all or do last minute revision.

So who’s the smarter ass seriously?

You are just a hardcore mugger, nothing more than that. You don’t have to show that fuck face of yours when I do better than you. You don’t have to roll your damn eyes at me dammit! Shithead don’t make me hate you further.

If you think you are the best than prove it! Cos there are many others in the class who are doing way better than you!

And I will do much much better than you for As! Watch your backside asshole!

You successfully piss me off today.

Thank you very much!

Back? Again?

May 14, 2009 Leave a comment
HELLO world!

This blog so dusty liao and I seriously dunno what to blog about. I think blogging will soon die off. -.-” Okay fine! I’m just lazy to blog.

Anyways, life has been a roller coaster ride. School is crazy, been busy. Hate that particular geog teacher. Can I ever make it anymore obvious?

Things are changing. Both good and bad ways. I’m sooo used to the bad ones cos I always struggle, stumble and fall like a toddler. It’s the good ones that are freaking me out. Class is very much bonding. It’s a nice feeling, I admit. But still… It’s weird. Things change, people change, attitudes change, everything changes. And I feel that all the changes are pretty much surreal.

I’m simply going through an emotional crisis at the moment. It’s just one of the many moments where I will talk crap and I’ll say things that I don’t mean. My apologies. These are the moments where I’m mentally and emotionally unstable.

Shit happens. But all shits seem to land on my face, that’s all.

So why not embrace it?

HA HA HA!